Been thinking bout you.
Nothing new there.
Your mom finally texted me back, she said she knows I meant a lot to you.. made my heart melt. Im glad to know that you told her about me, I felt like you never talked about me, but Im at peace knowing you did.
You would've hated the weather today, it was so freaking cold and windy I couldn't handle myself. I woke up from more dreams, this time you weren't in them. Then Becca and I decided we were going to get our tattoos touched up but lol I ended up getting a whole new one for you.
If you have the chance to pop into my house when I get home to show her I would, lol she's going to be pissed.
Ive been texting Nicole all day, well really all week if were being honest. I adore her. She might be who will fill my heart in your absence. I know that if you loved her I would too. She's very easy to talk too and really sweet and I'm glad we got close under such terrible circumstances. You really changed my life, you know that? Even in your after life I feel like you've taught me more now than ever. Ive become one with my inner thoughts, all the things I used to push off I want to express in some other form of thoughts. Its really nice. Nicole says she sees my writing on instagram and she said it was pretty solid ( not those words but you know).
Im at work and when I got here my boss asked me how I was doing and just more questions about you. I showed him a picture of you and his first words were "oh my god yes she is so pretty" I was like dude I freaking told you. He thinks that its odd that beautiful people have to suffer the most inside.. I obviously agree.
Today I realized that I released my inner Kayli lol. Yesterday I bought just random things, like the lighters and this choker that I'm wearing, because they remind me of you and I want to keep you alive in my life somehow. I want to remember your style and the things you enjoyed while you were still here with us.
The last time I saw you there was this kid that came up to me and I've known him since like 8th grade and you told me he was hot and I should go for him. Well we've been texting ever since that night, its funny because the day before you left my life he asked me to lunch. We never got around to it but thank goodness because it would've been two weeks till he saw me again.
Well when I told him what had happened Tuesday he said he was here and the basic things and he said to text him whenever I was comfortable again. I wasn't comfortable and I probably was never going to be but I decided that I needed to force myself. I was with Haley and I told her that the two things I wasn't ready to text him was because one he was going to ask if I was doing ok and he was going to ask me on a date. Well he decided to both. Surprise right?? Well when he asked me I was going to turn him down just because I'm not ready to have fun, fun isn't fun for me. But when I asked for what he had in mind he said a pizza place on a lake which is freaking perfect. So I said yes even tho I told him I'm not sure when I can because tomorrow is class before I go into training for Ale House. Then Wednesday I train again then school Thursday till your service and then I open Friday&Saturday. OF COURSE right.... Im going to have the puffiest eyes and look like poop on Friday morning, and thats if I get sleep. Ill add a picture of the tattoo. I love you gorgeous. ♡
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-Mads
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